Randy Me #6

‘… and that’s what happened’ I concluded my narration of the previous night’s encounter. The table before me had been growing silent as the narration went on and with my finale, I was practically picking jaws from the floor and reattaching them back on their owners. In case you are a bit lost, let me back track a bit. Remember how I made a deal with Tolu to reveal all at Remi’s function on saturday? You’ve forgotten? Oh, it was the only reason Tolu gave me that shitty line to spin on Tina, and why I lost my windshield earlier in the week. You missed all that? Wow! It’s all there, you backtrack a little. So, lemme continue. I made a deal to get with a better girl, that was my intention. But before I got to the function, Tolu had primed the boys that I had a juicy story to tell. So when I got there, been fashionably late – as always, all the boys were kinda nice to me. My alcohol glass didn’t stay half empty for long, it was always refilled. I drank like my life depended on it, I knew their plan, had seen through it with the prodding and niceness. Dare’s tactlessness, Tolu’s aloofness, Tunde was bursting at the seams whilst Wale was eager to hear my story and trump it. Then I started, time to put these kids – save one – out of their misery. And so I recounted my tale sufficiently mellow. You still remember that alcohol brings out the genius in me right? Okay, cool. So that’s what happened in a nutshell, why my table had fallen silent amidst the din of the party. I looked each of the guys in the eyes and they all had respect for me. It was somewhat amusing and weirdly neurotic. Then, he burst my bubble. Tolu is never one to keep his opinions to himself, especially where a girl was concerned, so he blurted, ‘liar!’ I had skipped him on purpose knowing he was always tending to the unusual where sexual relations where concerned, but that attack was one I hadn’t anticipated. ‘Why would I lie about such a thing?’ My eyebrow arched, my face contorting by the second. ‘I dunno, but I think the Sonia thing is made up. More like your imagination running wild.’ He shrugged. Wale looked from Tolu to me and back at Tolu, then he looked at Dare as Tolu and I locked gaze. ‘Dare, these boys have had too many variety, it’s turning their heads.’ Everyone laughed, the tension building around the table dissipated a little. ‘Why?’ My question was directed at Tolu. ‘Because you’re not supposed to get there. Never! You could have as many girls as you desired for your heart to start thumping again, but you were never supposed to engage two women at the same time. Lemme tell u a story I’ve never told before. ‘I rooted for Imole and you, needed your relationship to work so I could finally start thinking of following in your steps. I know you bought her a ring, and when she dumped you, your life almost ended.’ Wale gasped, Tunde was shocked beyond words. ‘He bought a ring?’ It was Wale who asked incredulous. Tolu did not bother to dignify the question, ‘my first responsibility was to you. I had to make sure you were going to survive her. And when I knew for sure, I went after her. The deal was to break something precious in her, deal mercilessly with the other dude, but as we got there and I moved close, I found out her reason and my hardened heart thawed. ‘He was her childhood sweetheart, and it wasn’t until he traveled out and didn’t communicate for over a year that she went with you. When he came back, it was as though he never left, and to top it, he beat you to the proposal. I called off my troops and came back to watch over you. It became my goal then to see you back to normal, cause you see, not one of these dudes will marry before you. And I’m getting tired of waking up with strangers in my bed.’ He held my gaze still. To say I was shocked would be an understatement, I was totally speechless and it was my turn to pick up my own jaw. Tolu had almost whacked Imole, for me? That was unbelievable, that she was probably married whilst I continued to pine for her… stupidity. I drank up the content of my half empty glass. I stood up from the table and bounded away from the group. I needed to clear my head, to rethink and get my perspectives right. Tolu had kept that loaded gun for an opportune time, and when he shot it, I knew… I had walked for more than twenty minutes when my phone rang. Irritated I took it out of my pocket ready to vent my anger on Tolu or whoever called, it was Sonia. My friends were enjoying themselves too much to be bothered by my crisis. I put the phone on silence and continued walking. Five minutes later, it started ringing again. ‘Damn,’ I cursed, and took out the phone. This time, Trisha was calling. I stopped, what twisted game were they playing I asked myself. My answer came as text messages. Sonia wanted me to meet her Sunday afternoon for lunch at a four star hotel to discuss her portfolio. Trisha wanted a proper night without disturbance, so was I free tonight? You know when someone gets hit by a car in a movie and they do a backward play of the person’s life in slow motion? It hit me then, I didn’t just sell my soul to get an account, I had surrendered all of me for nothing. I turned around and walked slowly back to the party. I sat in my chair and called for more liquor. It was time to drown.