Randy Me #7

Tolu stopped the flow of my booze after I opened the third bottle in succession and guzzled its content. He knew there was something wrong with me, he was also intuitive enough to know this had nothing to do with his outburst earlier. ‘Dude, you have to drive home, stop drinking!’ As was with most things he did, he commanded me, instead of asking or gently persuading. I shook my head and realised my folly in the following seconds. Tolu became two, then four and he continued multiplying exponentially before me. I shut my eyes tight and counted to ten calmly. When I opened my eyes, everything was back to normal. I knew it was time to go home, but I didn’t delude myself I could stand, let alone drive myself home. I sat still in my chair, praying that the bout would pass. I was there another hour before the courage to stand found me. Slowly, I eased out of my chair and stood holding on to the table in case the earth decided to do a fun spin. I stood upright, nothing. I rubbed my eyes, the bout had passed, I smiled and waved goodbye to my friends. The time was 9.30pm and I’d gotten there three hours earlier. As I strolled to my car, I remembered my phone. I had put the menace on silent after those calls I refused to take and the text messages. I had missed fifteen calls. Sonia called thrice and stopped trying. Trisha called five times, she had more urgency, I tried to remember what her message said but blanked. I did not have two of the numbers saved on my phone, and my mum had called twice. I groaned. First, I returned mum’s call. It was more nuances than words that we communicated with. Mum, she knew I was in deep shit and asked me to come home and visit. I promised to, but mentally declined and the call ended. Then, I reread Trisha’s message, in this state, she would have to be superwoman to get my engine going. I was practically falling apart, thank God I didn’t slur. I called her. She was furious that I hadn’t answered her calls earlier and all. Me, I couldn’t care less. I explained to her that I was drunk as a fish and that I was just on my way home to sleep it off and nurse a gargantuan hangover in the morning. She saw her opening and stuck her foot in. ‘So where do you stay exactly?’ ‘Surulere of course,’ I was getting irritated. ‘I meant your address, duh!’ I had given her that information before realising it may not have been the wisest thing to do. I ended the call, called Sonia and told her lunch was too early, we shifted the meeting to 5pm the next day. I was making decisions and planning whilst drunk, without my usual latent analysis but I didn’t realise it then. Two hours later, I paid for divulging my house address to Trisha. The incessant buzzing on my ringer coupled with the rapping on my door got me out of bed. I sauntered to the door and there she was, an overnight bag in her left hand, she was determined to have that night. I let her in and having slept for close to an hour my audio muscles had relaxed and I do not recall what was said or done. When I woke up the next morning, my eyes stung, my head pounded and I dragged my pillow over my head to ease the pain. Then someone tugged me. I jumped. Here’s what happened: I live alone and had somehow forgotten that I admitted Trisha into my apartment the previous night. So, when she tugged at me, I jumped wondering if I had unwelcome visitors, you know witches or robbers. She laughed. That easy smile that guiled me, I sat still and regarded her. ‘Here,’ she offered me a cup. ‘This will save your life.’ I paused only a few seconds then took the cup and gulped its content. Somehow, I knew she wasn’t going to poison me yet. I drank up. It was a Sunday morning and I knew as she did that there would be no church going for me. So, when the hang-over cleared, we ran around the apartment like two kids on a destructive run. I remembered Sonia around 1pm after much frolicking with Trisha, she turned out to be even more fun than I anticipated. She left around 3pm and I watched the highlights of the games played the previous day all over Europe. After the football highlights had ended, I got in the shower and had a long bath. Then I dressed casually and went for my meeting with Sonia. She was already there when I got there despite the fact that I was five minutes early. We delved into it, discussing business for the next hour and half. She had loads of questions ranging from her portfolio to other business interests. In my best professional voice, I offered expert advice and gave a few pointers to her. She thanked me profusely. And by 7pm, the meeting ended then she said she would like to show me something in her suite. I wondered if she had a house of her own, then thought to myself, who takes a one night stand home really? As we rode the elevator it became obvious, I was in the centre of an ongoing war by both girls. I couldn’t get out of it for I was the prize. Dear God.