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Sunday, 18 August 2013
Randy Me #5
I was at their office bright and
early on Thursday. My team and I
got there almost an hour early; we
were ushered into the conference
room after an initial wait time.
The boys set up whilst Witch (yes,
my boss royally screwed me on
that call) and I, went through the
proposal for the umpteenth time.
Finally, we decided it was okay
and that I, would do the talking.
At the stroke of noon, Sonia,
Trisha and a host of other mean
looking men and women entered
the room. We exchanged
pleasantries and business cards
were shared, Trisha was all
professional and mean looking and
I thought she was over me before
it started, then she winked at me
and I was reassured. For a minute,
I sunk into reverie.
Ah! You’re wondering if it’s
possible eh, believe me, most of
the bored people sitting at board
meetings are just thinking of their
secretary’s arse (no offence). I
saw myself and Trisha in the
recess having a really steamy
private discussion. Witch nudged
me, if only eyes emitted fireballs,
thank God Cyclops is a fictitious
character. I straightened my suit,
allowed the people settle
comfortably then launched my
pitch.
Of course I am not boring you
with the details of that business
meeting (trade secret), I will
however say this, it went well. I
had sold myself to get the
business and Sonia appreciated my
passion; why, I could not say.
After the meeting, we shook
hands again, they left, and my
boys got their gear. Witch was
grinning from ear to ear, two
hundred mill, jeez, I never realized
Sonia was sitting on such a huge
ton of cash, I was impressed.
In the car on the way back to the
office, I pretended to be too
mentally exhausted, yawned and
closed my eyes. Witch watched
me with disdain seething that she
could not chew me before
delivering me to Mr Eugene. So I
appeared for all intents to be
asleep. I added a few snores to
piss her off and she hissed
intermittently. Like I said earlier,
Witch is not a happy lady, and
something was clearly wrong with
her.
Along the way, just before getting
to the office, I dozed off and
dreamt of Trisha, not only had our
tryst been successful, we were
carrying on like lovers, holding
hands and all. I enjoyed the
dream immensely that I must
have moved my hand and touched
Witch, her slap woke me. They say
day dreams are harbingers of
things; good or bad, at that
moment, I didn’t care. I glared at
her, ‘What!’
‘Shameless human being’ she
hissed and turned away,
readjusting herself comfortably in
the car seat.
I stared at her for a few seconds
then looked out the window. The
story between Witch and I was
that I asked her out and whilst
she was still making yanga like all
girls do, I met Imole. In my
defence, I gave her seven months,
we entered the company at the
same time and when the senior
staffers started noticing her, she
kept posting me. Then I found
another and was gone. Then she
realized I would have been a
keeper. At first she tried to win
me back, but steady as a rock, I
held my ground. She started
hating on me then.
Somehow, we managed to work
together without killing each
other. We just never related
socially and whenever Mr Eugene
was up to his machinations he
would set me up with her like he
did with the Sonia business, just
for the fun of it. We arrived at the
office and went straight to our
cubicles. I had a ton to do.
It was after work that I realized
that I did not have a car. Yes, I
called a Mechanic to replace the
damaged windscreen, but I
haven’t seen my car since. Stupid
Mechanic had promised to deliver
the car to my office that
afternoon, but I forgot to check
after the meeting; I had to call a
cab. When I got home, seething
after calling the man’s line
severally with no response, I saw
my car parked in the car park, the
key with the maiguard. I was
somewhat happy that the car had
been restored but angry the man
made me take the cab.
The next day, Mr Eugene called
Witch (okay I need to stop calling
her that seriously, her name’s
Jane) and I into his office. The
lecture lasted almost an hour after
which Witch, sorry Jane and I
kissed and made up, literally (for
your minds abi? We both grunted).
After work, I went home and
changed. Since we were pulling an
all nighter, there was no reason to
rush, I had been exercising and
getting in top shape since
Tuesday. So at 8pm, I got in my
car and drove to the hotel
somewhere in Lekki. I got there
just as Trisha was about making
her way up to the room. She
smiled at me and held out her
right hand, I crossed the lobby in
two strides (in my mind) and took
her hand. We took the elevator
together smiling gleefully like
sorority girls.
Argh! I hate getting into the nitty
gritty of it all, plausible deniability
and all. So I’ll just say this, Trisha
and I had a steamy conversation
that served as a befitting finale to
the discussion we started a week
earlier (what were you expecting,
a detailed memo of how things
went down? Hian!). We paused for
air and called for room service,
she was hungry, I wanted more
food, winks. The doorbell rang
and I went to get it. I was
unprepared for what happened
next.
Standing in the doorway was a
stern looking Sonia who appeared
to be angry for no apparent
reason. I stood there in my
boxers, mouth agape staring at
her and hoping I could disappear
literally. She pushed me aside and
went in the room. I wasted no
time in closing the door behind
her and followed her in. I saw it
all going up in flames, my hard-
work to get their business (yup,
pleasure apart I’m a professional)
and my job. This time, the sack
would be a lenient punishment. I
was petrified with each step I
took towards them.
Trisha was smiling as she danced
slowly on the bed. I watched in
horror as Sonia’s hardened
features softened and she slowly
peeled off her clothes. No bra or
pants, I was aghast, then she
made her way to the bed swaying
her hips. Blood pumped faster
through my veins as I watched her
go…
Sonia turned around and asked,
‘well, what are you waiting around
for?’
I understood instantly. This was
going to be a three-a-side football
game. Chei! Emi nikan tan (only
me), I thought, this is how to live
large. I made my way to the bed
taking my time, who’s the boss
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