As life’s circumstances have changed, so has marriage. You will have many competing interests for your time, resulting in you and your
partner spending every “free” moment with each other — talking,
playing, having s*x, and just being with one another. You might be telling each other everything, bringing not only the office but the
office gossip home too. You are not doing it on purpose; it just happens. If this sounds familiar, it
may be time to take a look at what you are bringing into the marriage and whether or not it’s
productive for you and your partner. Here are three
things or topics to consider leaving out of your
marriage and together time.
1. Work
Many companies have started operating in a “do
more with less” environment. (Do more with less
but not with the increased pay, I might add). You
might find yourself spending more time at work,
possibly traveling, and becoming closer to people at
work. As soon as you get home everyday, you share
with your spouse all the ends and outs of your day
at work. This includes who got a bad performance
appraisal, who has a crush on who, who has
problems at home, and it keeps going. Yes, you
want to share everything with your spouse, but
should you?
I remember a story that I was told many years ago
about a man who had a stressful job but a very
happy marriage that had lasted many years. Each
night when he came home, he would rub a rock
that he placed outside the door of his home. He
explained that rubbing the rock was the reminder
to leave all his work problems and issues at home
and to be a husband and father when he walked in
the door. So, stop and think how much time you
spend venting and raving about what is happening
at work. Your spouse may not have a clue about
who or what you are really talking about and really
may not want to hear the same stories everyday.
In an effort to avoid this rut, try coming home a
few times a week, rubbing the rock at your door,
and just be in the moment.
2. Compromising Too Much
There are times when we should experience new
things with our spouse. But what happens if you’re
just not jazzed about your spouse’s favorite
activities? A great example is video games: gaming
is a hot industry, and it’s not just for children.
Adults of both sexes and all ages are into escaping
through games.
Your spouse may love playing games, but you will
never be at the same skill level and you only get
frustrated when you play. In fact, your stomach
cringes every time you are asked. How do you feel
when you are playing? After you play? Resentful?
Angry? The quality time you thought you were
going to share just turned out to be only time
spent; time you won’t get back. The resentful and
unhappy feelings you have when you continue to do
something you really don’t want to can build up
over time and put distance between you and your
spouse. Don’t be afraid to let go and free your
spouse to do something they enjoy without you.
Which leads us to the next thing to consider…
3. No “Me” Time
You have spent so much time doing what makes
your spouse happy, something got lost along the
way. You! Do you remember the things you would
take time out for that brought such a sense of
peace and joy? Do you remember the things that
you wish you still had time for? What would your
marriage be like if you took the time to do
something that brought you pure peace and joy
each week? It could be as simple as reading a book,
taking a yoga class, taking time to meditate, reading
the bible or shooting a few golf balls on the range.
You would begin to raise your anabolic energy level,
which in turn would raise the anabolic energy in
your marriage.
I leave you with a challenge: try to implement one
thing that would take away the quantity of time you
spend with your spouse and replace it with quality
time with your spouse. You’ll be sure to see a
difference! And a final thought to females reading
this post — as my friend Lauren Solomon says,
“don’t treat your husband like your furry girlfriend!”
I couldn’t agree more.
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